MONDAY-
It's a slow day here at the call center, so I have some time to write. I came in this morning to discover that an item of sentimental value had been stolen from my desk. At first, I was upset and furious. I wanted to knock some heads together. That was my Pinkie Pie. This little child's toy meant a lot to me; it was a gift given to me on a day that is permanently branded into my memory. Then I realized that small toys were disappearing all across the call center and perhaps someone is pocketing them to take for stocking stuffers for their kids or something. I was less angry then. Just bitter about society in general.
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THURSDAY-
And then I continued to think about the missing Pinkie Pie, and came to some gross conclusions. That toy didn't hold as much value as I thought. When I thought about everything that little toy brought in memory, I was just plain grossed out. Robby gave it to me. I've never had anyone wrong me the way that guy wronged me; and Pinkie Pie was a gift to me in the height of his bullshit. I understand why he did it, and I pity the entire situation and the loss of a friendship. For a long time, I thought the little toy was a nice reminder of a dear friendship and a day that friendship shone at its brightest... but even that doesn't matter anymore. So, suddenly remembering it all as one big picture made me wonder why the stupid thing had sat on my desk for as long as it had.
I wrote the thief a note. To sum it up: "Hey. You forgot her slice of cake and milkshake. Give these to a child to play with."
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The next day, I found out that I'd have to move. I was actually happy. We're moving back into one of Grandma's one bedroom apartments. We'll have our own space. With my job ending, I'll be pulling in unemployment until I can find a more reliable source of income. It will be sooooo nice to have a place to myself with my little ones again.
Today is Evelyn's birthday. She turned three today. I bought her playdough and dinosaurs for today, but we're celebrating her birthday next weekend. I helped Vivien make her a card. She was more excited about the dinosaurs than I expected, but my gut told me she'd like them. ^_^ She's definitely my child. Of course, she picked the green cup of playdough to play with first. It's her favorite color. She's currently picking on me because she can't sleep. I let her finish her long nap because it's her birthday. Now I get to enjoy her playful mischief and I FREAKING LOVE IT!! It's so funny. She is pretending to smash my face with kisses only to not actually kiss me. She thinks it's hilarious. <3 I have the coolest kids ever.
So much change coming. It will be stressful, but I am enthusiastic about it all. Life is good.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Due Sunday.
My dad and I agreed to one blog post a week. He's worried that our writing skills will get rusty. Seems he has good reason to feel this way, I cannot think of a single thing worth leaving in cyberspace for eternity (I know. Doesn't work that way. Probably).
Henry is lying next to me sleeping. My hyperactive attempts at waking him up failed. I took mercy on him and let him go back to sleep. He started throwing around the words "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" last week. I had a really weird moment where it just didn't compute. I'm getting used to it, but it still just... I'm not even sure what those concepts really mean. Except, "Well, I have a boyfriend," is a much simpler than, "Um. I have this thing going with this guy that lives over an hour away from me. It's kinda.. a thing. NO! He's not really my boyfriend, but..." Whatever it's called, it's great. I swear to god he can tell when I look at him. Either he scrunches up his eyebrows a lot when he sleeps, or he can feel me looking at him. And I'm going to stop right there before I spaz out about how adorable some people are when they're sleeping.
________________________________________
Okay, so I suppose I waited until the last minute here to get this posted up. I'm too tired now to eloquently describe what is on my mind, but suffice it to say that I have found a happiness in love that I never thought I would find in my own life. It feels so whole and healthy. One of the realities of life that I have accepted and live by: everything changes with time. I hope that, no matter how time affects this, I hope I don't lose it.
For once in my life, damn near everything seems to be working out for me. I'm so grateful. Things are definitely not ideal still, but I can feel definite progress in the right direction in nearly every area. I have a lot of debt to pay off, but I am quickly approaching the time when I'll be able to start paying it off.
My girls are such a source of fulfillment and pride for me. There's nothing like the affection of your child, their excited voices, or watching their eyes absorbing whatever it is you're teaching them. And you are teaching them every moment; for better or worse, if you're aware or not, they're learning from you. I love being a mother. These girls are so beautiful and intelligent. There's another soul sleeping next to me as I type this second portion. This time, it's Evelyn. Her hand is curled up by my ear, she was playing with it as she fell asleep. Her head is on my shoulder and she's got herself tucked close to me. This squishy, sleeping face is also beautiful to me. <3 I feel blessed. If I died right now, I'd go out more whole, satisfied, proud, peaceful, and in love with everything in my life than I've ever been before.
Henry is lying next to me sleeping. My hyperactive attempts at waking him up failed. I took mercy on him and let him go back to sleep. He started throwing around the words "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" last week. I had a really weird moment where it just didn't compute. I'm getting used to it, but it still just... I'm not even sure what those concepts really mean. Except, "Well, I have a boyfriend," is a much simpler than, "Um. I have this thing going with this guy that lives over an hour away from me. It's kinda.. a thing. NO! He's not really my boyfriend, but..." Whatever it's called, it's great. I swear to god he can tell when I look at him. Either he scrunches up his eyebrows a lot when he sleeps, or he can feel me looking at him. And I'm going to stop right there before I spaz out about how adorable some people are when they're sleeping.
________________________________________
Okay, so I suppose I waited until the last minute here to get this posted up. I'm too tired now to eloquently describe what is on my mind, but suffice it to say that I have found a happiness in love that I never thought I would find in my own life. It feels so whole and healthy. One of the realities of life that I have accepted and live by: everything changes with time. I hope that, no matter how time affects this, I hope I don't lose it.
For once in my life, damn near everything seems to be working out for me. I'm so grateful. Things are definitely not ideal still, but I can feel definite progress in the right direction in nearly every area. I have a lot of debt to pay off, but I am quickly approaching the time when I'll be able to start paying it off.
My girls are such a source of fulfillment and pride for me. There's nothing like the affection of your child, their excited voices, or watching their eyes absorbing whatever it is you're teaching them. And you are teaching them every moment; for better or worse, if you're aware or not, they're learning from you. I love being a mother. These girls are so beautiful and intelligent. There's another soul sleeping next to me as I type this second portion. This time, it's Evelyn. Her hand is curled up by my ear, she was playing with it as she fell asleep. Her head is on my shoulder and she's got herself tucked close to me. This squishy, sleeping face is also beautiful to me. <3 I feel blessed. If I died right now, I'd go out more whole, satisfied, proud, peaceful, and in love with everything in my life than I've ever been before.
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